The IPS (Internal Pillow Scream)

The IPS (Internal Pillow Scream): a stress relief maneuver which can safely be done in a public setting. Used most often when you must give a diplomatic and sensitive answer to a really stupid, idiotic action or question. To use this effectively, after someone says or does something really stupid:

  1. clamp your mouth shut to keep from saying what you really want to say
  2. visualize screaming into a huge, heavy pillow. The scream starts from your belly button and your whole chest forcefully contracts expelling the air so forcefully that the pillow would fly away if it were not clamped over your face.
  3. The scream goes on and on, you have no idea where all that air is coming from. Dont rush this part, there is no need to instantly answer the (stupid) question. They will think you are just pausing to formulate an intelligent response. Keep the internal scream going till you destroy the pillow and feathers are flying everywhere. You feel all the tension completely vanish, you are so relaxed.
  4. Smile, and answer the question in a thoughtful, articulate, and diplomatic way. Remember, there is no such thing as a stupid question, consider it a challenge to turn their question into the most insightful and interesting one you have heard that week.

Many thanks to youtube user @chiconspiracy for coining this expression!